Riding the pain

When pain becomes a friend

Reaching out in the night,

Sending you a hello

With the morning coffee,

Holding your hand

As your appetite vanishes

At lunchtime.

Kissing you goodnight,

Disturbing the bed

Insomniac.

There comes a moment

You finally admit,

Echoing the doctors,

That he is here

To stay.

How many pills can you take?

You learn

To dissociate,

Cut feeling

from the body,

Become numb,

Transcended

To accommodate your familiar.

You ride the pain

Until it becomes pleasure

In your ability

To withstand,

Feeling stronger

Than others,

Unburdened.

I took this path,

I admit

Tempted by the absence

Of that inner crumpling.

I embraced

My foe,

For the world offered

No alternative.

Complacency

And tiredness

Made me mute the bells

Of warning.

Shutting down feeling

Feels nice

For we all chase

The absence of pain.

We can lose sight

That pain,

A symptom,

Is also

A cause

Wrecking the body,

Untamed,

Unstoppable.

It reigns, driving you

Toward transcendence

Toward death

As you leave the body

That witnessed

Your trial.

I too came close

To the limit.

Battered wounds,

Unhealed scars,

Damaged

I will sing the song

Of an orphan

Taught to accept

What could not

Be prevented,

What was left

Neglected.

My nature,

A phoenix

Drenched in blood

Crippled,

Destitute.

Will you answer the call?

Or blame the fiery

Creature for burning

On its own?